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My Struggle with Writer's Block

Some people in my family would say I was born to be a writer. Some versions of myself would say the same thing. 

Now?

I feel like a fraud. I feel like I gave up on the one thing I was certain I could do, and do well.

1950's bridal session with a wonderland twist - christinaelyse.com

Is this what growing up does to you? 

Is this why Peter ran away?

Do you ever sit and look back on all you hoped only to find that you weren't so cunning after all, and all you chose to do in life got you to point B, not point A?

I think that's where I am right now. Trying to get back on track to that little voice inside - the one whispering stories of secrets and adventures. 

I've been reading a book on writing just to get my head back in the game. Even though I don't write for a living, I should still write. After all, that's what I got my degree in.

I know, I know, I keep a blog, and that's a form of writing, but there's a part of me that wants to write stories, create characters, and dream worlds into discovery.

Sometimes, I've just got to write.

And that sentence is meant to be forceful and unpredictable and wild. The phrase "I've just got to write" feels like it wants to burst forth from within me into a gallop out of the gate, thudding its way out of my pen and trampling the paper. 

That phrase is a brutal desire to get everything out, like a cry at the top of my lungs or flinging myself into rhythms and beats. 

The other side - 1950s rockabilly bride

But I just sit and wonder what it's like to write everyday. I just sit and do nothing about it. 

I think it's finally starting to sink in. I sat down the other day to write creatively, on paper, for the first time in over a year. Gosh it was dry. Really dry. In fact, it was nothing more than a summary of an idea, so depressingly bad, I felt like I was an entirely different person. 

But you know what? It was an idea, and it was on paper. So I guess that's one little step back in the direction of what I felt so strongly so many years before.

// Questions

Was there a dream or ambition from childhood you felt so strongly would be a part of your adulthood but ended up taking a back seat?

If so, are you doing anything today to get back to it?